Healing After Narcissistic Abuse: A Therapist’s Perspective
Narcissistic abuse is a profoundly disorienting form of emotional and psychological harm. Survivors often enter therapy feeling confused, emotionally depleted, and uncertain of their own perceptions—frequently questioning their reality or blaming themselves for what occurred. From a clinical standpoint, these reactions are not signs of weakness but expected responses to prolonged relational trauma (Herman, 2015). At Athena’s Healing Haven, we believe that naming narcissistic abuse and understanding its effects is a foundational step toward healing.
Narcissistic abuse typically occurs in relationships where one individual consistently prioritizes control, power, and image over mutual care, accountability, and emotional safety. This abuse may involve gaslighting, manipulation, chronic invalidation, emotional withdrawal, blame-shifting, or cycles of idealization followed by devaluation. Over time, these relational patterns erode a survivor’s sense of self and trust in their internal experience. Many survivors report feeling disconnected from who they once were or unsure whether they can rely on their own thoughts and emotions.
One of the most misunderstood aspects of narcissistic abuse is the difficulty many survivors experience when attempting to leave. Survivors are often judged—by others or themselves—for staying “too long.” However, research on intimate partner violence indicates that survivors attempt to leave an abusive relationship an average of seven to eight times before permanently separating (National Domestic Violence Hotline [NDVH], n.d.). These repeated attempts reflect the complex psychological, emotional, and practical barriers to leaving, rather than a lack of insight or strength.
Narcissistic abuse commonly involves trauma bonding, a dynamic in which emotional attachment is strengthened through intermittent reinforcement—periods of affection, remorse, or connection followed by emotional withdrawal, devaluation, or cruelty (Dutton & Painter, 1993). These cycles activate survival-based nervous system responses, making separation feel threatening rather than relieving. For many survivors, the hope for change, fear of retaliation, financial dependence, shared family systems, or cultural and relational expectations further complicate the decision to leave (Stark, 2007).
The psychological impact of narcissistic abuse is often far-reaching. Survivors may experience chronic self-doubt, hypervigilance, emotional numbing, shame, guilt, anxiety, depression, and trauma-related symptoms (Herman, 2015). Difficulties with trust, boundaries, and identity are common, as the survivor’s sense of self has been repeatedly undermined. These responses are best understood as adaptive survival strategies developed in response to ongoing emotional harm, rather than as individual pathology.
Healing from narcissistic abuse is not about “fixing” the survivor. Instead, healing involves restoring internal safety, rebuilding trust in one’s perceptions, and reconnecting with a coherent sense of self. In therapy, this process often includes validating lived experiences, examining relational patterns without self-blame, processing grief for what was lost, and developing boundaries grounded in self-respect rather than fear (Carnes, 2019).
At Athena’s Healing Haven, narcissistic abuse recovery is approached through a trauma-informed, relational, and culturally responsive framework. We recognize that abuse does not occur in isolation—attachment history, family systems, cultural expectations, gender roles, and power dynamics all shape how abuse is experienced and survived. Therapy becomes a space where emotional safety, clarity, and mutual respect are consistently modeled, offering survivors a corrective relational experience that supports long-term healing.
One of the most harmful legacies of narcissistic abuse is the internalized belief that the survivor is “too sensitive,” “too emotional,” or “the problem.” Clinically, this narrative reflects the impact of gaslighting and chronic invalidation rather than an accurate self-assessment (APA, 2020). Survivors were not too sensitive—they were hurt. Their pain is valid, their reactions make sense, and recovery is possible.
Healing is not linear, and there is no universal timeline for recovery. What matters most is moving at a pace that honors the survivor’s nervous system, values, and lived experience. With appropriate therapeutic support, survivors can rebuild self-trust, reclaim their voice, and move toward relationships grounded in safety, respect, and mutual care.
If you recognize yourself in this experience, you are not alone—and you do not have to navigate healing by yourself.
References
American Psychological Association. (2020). Violence and abuse in relationships. https://www.apa.org
Carnes, P. (2019). The betrayal bond: Breaking free of exploitive relationships (2nd ed.). Health Communications.
Dutton, D. G., & Painter, S. (1993). Emotional attachments in abusive relationships: A test of traumatic bonding theory. Violence and Victims, 8(2), 105–120.
Herman, J. L. (2015). Trauma and recovery: The aftermath of violence—from domestic abuse to political terror. Basic Books.
National Domestic Violence Hotline. (n.d.). Why people stay in abusive relationships. https://www.thehotline.org
Stark, E. (2007). Coercive control: How men entrap women in personal life. Oxford University Press.
